Me Without You
by CherryWolf-chan
Summary: Draco and Hermione are caught passing notes in class. Professor Snape orders them to read aloud what they seem to think is more important than Potions Class. Chaos ensues. Bet's he's regretting not just ignoring them...


**AN: Inspired by this cute little quote my girl Wolf Blossom sent me!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine…yet…**

**Pages: 8  
Words: 2453**

_WHAM_

Professor Snape brought down his wand on the sheet Hermione and Draco had been writing back and forth on during the duration of his class.

What can I say? Draco would rather chat with his girlfriend of six months than pay attention to the lesson on Polyjuice Potion, and Hermione had brewed it when she was twelve so she wasn't too interested either.

Snape snarled at them. "Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Granger, if there is perhaps something more interesting than my class on this parchment then by all means, share."

Hermione worried her lip. "But Professor—"

"I said _share_ Ms. Granger. _Now_."

Hermione glared at her smirking boyfriend as both of them stood, holding the parchment between them.

Draco, who had started the entire written "conversation", started speaking, alternating lines with Hermione.

"Me without you is a shoe without laces."

Blaise and Theo simultaneously covered their faces with their hands as the so-called Slytherin Prince proceeded to embarrass the very house he was prince of.

Blaise muttered allowed. "Bloody Salazar is probably rolling in his grave right now."

"A geek without braces."

Ron snorted. "Only Mione…only Mione."

"Asentencewithoutspaces."

That one had to be repeated slowly, at which point Blaise reiterated his earlier sentiment. "No, not rolling…Salazar is fucking doing the waltz with Bellatrix Lestrange in his damn grave."

"A full house without aces."

Seamus smirked at Dean sitting next to him. "I'm the one that taught-er tried to teach her how to play poker. Four aces being a full house was the only thing she managed to retain…"

"A family without faces."

Pansy looked very confused. "Drakie has faceless family members? Does that mean our babies cold be born without faces?!"

A lethal glare from Hermione of all people shut her up rather fast.

"A Viking without maces."

Harry facepalmed at that. "Bloody hell Hermione, not everything need be related to history!"

Hermione gave him a look. "If you don't know your History, then you are doomed to repeat it…kind of like History of Magic, huh Harry? Hint, hint..."

Harry said nothing further.

"A pureblood without graces."

Theo and Blaise smirked at each other. "Finally, he's reinstating some of our pride."

Even Snape looked mildly amused at this. Granted, mild amusement for him indicated a grimace and a raised eyebrow, so no one really knew…

"Slytherin without disgraces."

Seamus and Ron hooted simultaneously. "WOO! GRYFFINDOR PRIDE!"

They subsequently lost fifty points each for the disturbance.

"A map without places."

No one seemed to understand that one except Hermione.

"A lawyer without cases."

This time it was Theo commenting on Hermione's analogy. "Well that's a pretty shitty lawyer-one who's probably living in a box in Knockturn Alley."

There were scattered snickers.

"A hunt without chases."

Dean deadpanned. "How Slytherin of you."

"Osiris without Isis."

"…bloody…Granger you're dating the Slytherin Prince! At least SHOW it."

Draco took pause to glare at Daphne. "Why do you seem to think I'm not smart? I know exactly who Isis and Osiris are! He's the bloke that got scattered into a number of pieces, and she's his wife who put him back together. The only thing she couldn't reattach was his family jewels because they were too mangled!"

Daphne raised an eyebrow. "And you remembered this story only before or after Astoria told you he never got his bits back?"

"…shut up Greengrass!"

Snape sneered. "Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Greengrass; that will be quite enough. Mr. Malfoy, continue."

"A desert without an oasis."

Harry rolled his eyes. "And we've moved on to Geography, courtesy of Malfoy. You two really are perfect for each other."

"Harry battling Voldemort without a stasis."

That got her a blank look from every student in the room but Draco.

Ron piped up. "What the hell is a bloody stasis?!"

Snape through a dictionary at Ron's red head right as Hermione scowled at him. "Try reading some time Ronald! I am _not_ your personal dictionary!"

Snape smirked.

"A world without races."

Theo rolled his eyes at Blaise. "Malfoy _would_ say that. Granger's made him go all goodie-goodie!"

Blaise shrugged. "Mate if I got to shag a witch like Granger, I wouldn't mind going goodie-goodie myse-OW!"

Draco silently Accio-ed back his textbook with a glare, and looked at the blushing Hermione to continue.

"Malfoy Manor without vases."

"Been sneaking Muggleborns into the Manor have you Malfoy? What would dear old mummy and daddy think if they knew?" Ron snickered.

This time it was Hermione that answered. "I'll ask them for you next time Ronald. We have brunch every second Sunday."

Ron sputtered. "You-you-you…you break bread with _Malfoys_?!"

Theo smirked. "Well she's broken the dorm room bed with one Malfoy…so what's breaking bread with another?"

This time it was Hermione's school bag that was hurled at him.

"Bloody hell woman! What do you have in here; bricks?!"

Hermione shrugged. "Only three!"

Seeing the incredulous looks aimed her way, she spoke in her defence. "I'm visiting Hagrid later! I thought it'd be nice to bring a snack for his latest pet!"

On that note there was the sound of a far-off roar.

Hermione smiled. "Ah, there's Sprinkles now!"

Professor Snape glared at her. "Twenty points from Gryffindor for getting off the topic at hand Ms. Granger! Mr. Malfoy, continue."

"A strings symphony without basses."

Ron smirked at Harry. "What a ponce!"

Hermione put her hands on her hips and scowled. "Ronald Bilius Weasley, you name me one girl in this room that doesn't think a cultured man is sexy and I will eat my bricks!"

Ron looked around in desperation before his eyes settled on Pansy. "Parkinson?"

"Much as I'd love to see Granger lose all her teeth…I cannot in good conscience call Draco un-sexy. It'd be a bigger sin than wearing pink shoes with gold robes!"

That got her a strange look from everyone, but Hermione continued on none-the-less.

"Exams without erases."

No one said anything to that, they just shook their heads at the girl.

"Weasel's homework without yours' traces."

Ron turned red. "Shut up Malfoy!"

Snape raised a brow at that. "I shall keep that in mind when grading future homework submissions Mr. Weasley."

"A library without atlases."

Harry looked at the surrounding Gryffindors. "I'm heading to the library after class to ask Madam Pince to ban her from entering until we graduate. This really isn't healthy."

Draco nodded at him. "For once Potter, I wish you luck. I tried to do the same a while back…and she said she'd been trying to remove Granger from her library for the last seven years!"

Dean twitched. "At this point, I think it's more Hermione's library that hers'…"

Ron nodded. "Right. Pince at least takes sick days. This one had me _carry her_ to the library when she was delirious with fever in the Hospital Wing from laryngitis."

Blaise gave him a look. "How could she _make you_ when she was delirious?!"

Seamus smirked. "Delirious or not, our Hermione still has the best wand-spell coordination this school's ever seen. It was the easy way out to get detention from Pomfrey than to get Hermione upset."

There were some scattered mutterings of "amen" from the Muggleborns.

Hermione shot them all a glare.

"Potty surviving without your mapped out paces."

Ron started to growl something out, but an elbow from Harry made him stop.

Draco sneered. "At least he can admit he'd be roast by now if it wasn't for Granger."

Hermione had to hide a smile as she continued on.

"Snape without being on Gryffindors' cases."

Hermione made it a point to not look at the Potion's Master.

And everyone else made it a point to keep a rein on their laughter.

Too bad Ron didn't have that kind of control.

He lost fifty points for that.

Now Draco spoke his last line with a soft gaze.

"Our nights without embraces."

Blaise rolled his eyes at Theo. "And here we go, back to Granger's trained snake."

Theo gave Blaise a meaningful look. "Mate, you think if we mutinied we could over throw "The Prince" and throw him out of our house?"

Blaise shook his head frantically. "If we did that he'd probably take up in the Gryffindor dorms! And _then_ think of how goodie-goodie he'd be! At least this way he comes back to Slytherin each night and we can reinstall his bad-ness a little bit for each day at a time."

Theo nodded. "You're right. Besides, if we were the reason he went full out Gryffindor, his parents would string us up by our bollocks in the Manor dungeons…"

Blaise twitched. "Or on the Christmas tree…"

Draco glared at them heatedly. "If you are _quite_ through, Granger has one last line"

Theo looked on in awe. "It's like…mini blonde Snape…"

He got three points taken from Slytherin for that.

Yes; three.

"Our love without a basis."

Ron looked at Dean. "She's so embarrassing. Gryffindors are known for being courageous as lions. And she's behaving like a love sick puppy!"

Hermione got _that glint_ in her eye. "So I'm a not courageous am I Ronald?!"

Without another word, ten Acromantula appeared behind Hermione, making a beeline for Ron.

He proceeded to scream, jump a mile high, and dive backwards using _Pansy Parkinson_ as a shield.

Pansy gave him a look of disbelief, and raised her wand, vanishing the creatures.

"I see why Granger was so attracted to Draco now. If this is what she's lived with for the past seven years then I don't blame her for going for the baddest boy in the school. My god man, stand up; you're embarrassing yourself!"

Ron got out from behind Pansy, and stood tall, looking at Hermione. Trying to save face, he spoke. "You're still a love-sick puppy."

There were numerous headshakes and facepalms as people wondered if the inbreeding had finally gotten to the pureblooded Weasley Clan.

Hermione merely raised an eyebrow, and conjured a slew of memories to play out in real-time.

Memories of Ron and Lavender…and their puppydog-like canoodling all over the castle in fifth year.

Many people laughed, but Ron and Lavender just avoided gazes with everyone.

With that Snape vanished the images. "That is ENOUGH! Class is dismissed; read chapters two through twenty, and do all the review questions for each chapter. Now out!"

Hearing this, everyone scurried out.

Goyle was the last to leave and he would later swear up and down on his cookies and cupcakes that he'd heard Snape mumbling something about a talk with the Sorting Hat and switching Granger over to Slytherin.

As everyone was filing into the Great Hall to eat, Pansy was suddenly struck by what she called brilliance.

"Draco! All the things you compared your relationship to Granger with exist! Which means you can also be without her, and with me instead!"

She got a blank look from not only Draco, but everyone else as well.

Pansy, took a deep breath, and started speaking. "A shoe without laces is a boot, a geek without braces is Granger, a sentence without spaces…well anyone can write one! A full house without aces is just a literal house full of people or things, a family without faces is a family tree, a Viking without maces is a dead Viking, a Pureblood without graces refers to the Weasels, and Slytherins that aren't disgraces are you, Theo and Blaise in all your sexy glory! A map without places is a mind map, a lawyer without cases is a shitty lawyer, a hunt without chases is a hunt for sex because well…you could get it anywhere Draco! You're so hot! I don't rightly know who Osiris or Isis are…but if the man had no bits I'm sure he had to make do without her because well…who would want a man without bits?! A desert without an oasis is a snow desert, Potter battling The Dark Lord without a stasis would be a physical fight, because let's face it…Potter's scrawny. A world without races is the strange world in Granger's head, Malfoy Manor without vases is Malfoy Manor when it was just newly built, before the House Elves got to work. A strings symphony without basses is something cheap enough for the Weasels to afford, exams without erases are exams written by you Draco, because you're sexy and smart, and you know _everything_. Weasel's homework from Primary school wouldn't have traces of Granger's work in it…they didn't meet until Hogwarts! A Library without atlases is the Archive Library at the Ministry of Magic, Potty surviving without Granger mapping out his paces is…well…I'm sure he managed it before Hogwarts…he made it here without her didn't he? Snape not being on Gryffindors cases is that Snape can't be on McGonagall's case because she's a professor; a Gryffindor, but a professor none-the-less. Your nights without embraces are the ones that you spend apart, like when Granger does something stupid and you get pissed at her-and rightly so. And your love without a basis…well…no love has a true basis so…so, well there!"

Pansy looked rather pleased with herself as everyone else looked on in astonishment.

Blaise looked at Draco. "I see what you mean now about how crazy she exactly is. I think I'll be sending you to Gryffindor Tower now of my own accord. And…is there any room for me?"

Theo shuffled away from Pansy. "Me too…I'm kind of scared…"

Draco looked at Pansy in disbelief. "My family tree happens to have faces. I happen to find the strange world in Granger's head to be a huge turn on, because I know what goes on in it. We haven't spent a night apart since we got together, and of course our love doesn't have a set basis. If I sat down to name all the sexy things Granger does day in and day out that make me love her then well…we'd be here until our-our being her and my, not mine and yours- kids graduated Hogwarts."

Hermione smirked at the scowl on Pansy's face. "On another note…how long did it take you to look up "stasis"?"

Pansy fumed in anger and looked like she was about to go for Hermione's throat.

Her course of strangulation took a change of route though as soon as Ron spoke. "Oh you looked it up? Mind telling me what it means? I mean I'd look it up myself, but all that work…PARKINSON WHAT ARE YOU—WHAT DDI I DO?!"

The last thing anyone saw or heard was Pansy chase Ron out of the Great Hall, her hands ready to pop his head off, and Ron howling about how she was worse than the Acromantula.

Blaise looked over at Harry. "So…can me and Theo get Weasel's bed then since Pansy's killing him?"

**AN: Cute little thingie…haha! Hope you enjoyed, and please do drop me a line!**


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